oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
