Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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