My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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