neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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