That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
