OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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