my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
