both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize