i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
