can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
