I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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