I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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