what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
