a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
