Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
