watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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