I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize