So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
