that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
