This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
