is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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