Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
