the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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