girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
