My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
