Kiss
Puke
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
