Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
