So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
