dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
