I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
