When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
