Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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