Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
