I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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