All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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