now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
