Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
