I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
