My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize