Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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