hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize