Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
