The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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