I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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