Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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