my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
