They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Let's paint friendship bongs
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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