grandma shit on top of the toilet
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
