I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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