This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
