If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
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