i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
