woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
