come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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