I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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