Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
