Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize