Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
