did you get engaged???
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
