You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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