I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize