3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
