some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
