all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
