And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
