I think I won the penis lottery.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
