So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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