I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize