dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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