There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
