New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
