12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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