Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
