I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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