Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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