so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
