You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
