mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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