dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
