I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
