I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
