Whod you bang
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
