I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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