Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize