i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
