a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There's always time for handjobs
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
