i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
