I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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