i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
