I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
