Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
