Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
