His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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