so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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