So drunk its hurt
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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