so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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