Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
