dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
