I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
