i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
