Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
