You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
In America we eat man semen.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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