I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
