he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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