Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
