Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
