dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
