words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
