At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
