i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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