Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
