omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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