I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
