You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
