i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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