you will always have a special place in my vag
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
