Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
