My first STD was from a foam party
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
