i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
