Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
