Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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