Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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