You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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