I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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